Q: My partner keeps accusing me of cheating on him. Can your Athlone Polygraph Examiner help?
I love my partner, Ben, very much. We met at work and it was love at first sight. 3 months later we began living together and our relationship is now 6 years old.
For the first couple of years everything was fine. Ben’s always been possessive of me but at first I found it flattering. I’m not the most physically attractive person in the world so to have someone jealous over me, made me feel great.
But now it’s become stifling. He wants to know where I have been all of the time. He keeps asking me what time I will be home and if I am late he accuses me of sleeping around. He calls me some dreadful names during arguments that hurt deeply. Yet, if he goes out he can crawl in at 3 in the morning and that’s supposed to be acceptable.
He doesn’t like my friends or my family and recently I’ve cut most communication with them for fear of upsetting him. I dread the bus being late after work because he has locked me out sometimes if I’m late home. He’ll leave me outside for a couple of hours before letting me in. It’s embarrassing in front of the neighbours.
I am not cheating on him, I wouldn’t dream of it. If I took a lie detector test with your Athlone polygraph examiner, would it help do you think?
L.T., Athlone
Response from our Athlone Polygraph Examiner
What you have described is domestic abuse. You haven’t mentioned whether Ben is violent or not. Is he?
There are two main reasons his type of behaviour occurs. One is that he may be insecure. Perhaps a previous partner has cheated on him. The other, which is my view from what you have written, is that he is gaslighting. This means that he is doing what he is accusing you of.
Do you have any reason to believe that he is playing around with someone else? You say that he sometimes gets in at 3 am. What does he say he is doing until that time in the morning?
Whether he is gaslighting or insecure, his behaviour is not acceptable. It may be that because you let it pass in the early stages of the relationship that he thinks he has a licence to behave in this way.
Lack of self confidence
I note you say “I‘m not the most physically attractive person in the world”. Have you always felt this or only since you have been in a relationship with Ben? Do you think that being physically attractive is important? As an Athlone Polygraph Examiner and forensic psychologist, when I hear statements like this they usually come from people who are lacking in self-confidence. People who are victims of domestic abuse over a sustained period of time often lack self-confidence.
Couples lie detector test
Naturally an infidelity lie detector test will prove whether or not you are cheating but my advice is to take a couples test. This will not only prove your innocence but also determine Ben’s guilt if it exists. It will also provide you with some insight into what is wrong with your relationship and allow you to plan the next step. It may be that you will separate or that you will seek counselling.
Please call our Free Helpline on 0800 368 8277 to discuss your situation further. No matter what you decide to do it is clear this state of affairs cannot continue. Domestic abuse in all its forms is unacceptable and often harmful to emotional and physical health.
Please be assured that you can speak in confidence to us. Our polygraph service is entirely confidential.
I look forward to speaking with you in the near future.